Every day gives evidence of the depth of my personal faults, failings and deep sinfulness. That sin which I hate, I do. That good which I would do, I do not.
How often do I pursue my own glory and ambition rather than that the glory of my Saviour.
How often does the fear of man ecplise my fear of God.
How often do I fail to faithfully pursue the spiritual disciplines I know to be so necessary for the health of my soul and walk with God.
How often when I do pursue these disciplines do I find my motivations for doing so to be flawed, my heart dull, and my mind weak.
How often when I have pursued these displines with some degree of fidelity and focus do I find my heart lifted in pride and fail in my diligence of striving against sin.
How often when I have striven against sin and found in myself some some measure of a pattern of obedience do I find myself exalted in pride and begin to lack sympathy to fellow men in their own struggles with iniquity.
How often when I see my weakness in the struggle against sin and self do I faint in the battle rather than seek the strength of my Saviour.
How often do I focus more upon the waves than upon the Master and the crisis more than the Cross.
Oh, wretched man that I am!
Yet, in all of this, when sin and self and Satan would drive me to abandon hope and give in to utter despair, grace lifts my eyes to the lowly manger, the lonely cross, and the vacant tomb. My ears are opened to hear my pleading Priest rebuke the Accuser and declare of me, "I Jehovah, have chosen him. Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?" And I know that He who was crushed for my iniquities lives and intercedes on my behalf forever more.
Surely the greatness of my Saviour, the kindness of my Shepherd, the mercy of my Father, the love of my God, and the magnitude of grace is displayed the clearer against the backdrop of my sin.
Oh, Father! Crush me often with despair of self that I might see the sufficiency of grace that flows from Calvary. Warm my heart with undying passion to know Your saving health and to make it known to all men!
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